Friday, August 27, 2010

Getting over boyfriend's past lovers

"Dear Housewife,

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly seven months now, and he is great. He constantly tells me that I am the best girlfriend he has ever had and that no one has ever made his life so complete. I truly love him and I feel like we have an awesome thing going for us. However I have recently not been able to get his past sexual partners out of my mind. I was a virgin when I met him and he has a past with 7 other girls. All but two were one time things, but they still really bother me. I don’t know how to let the past be the past with this. I constantly feel compared or judged, even though he has never said anything but positive feedback.

In a conversation we were having about his (somewhat crazy) ex girlfriend he said how I was so much better than her at sex, which I felt really good about because a comment he made earlier made it seem as though the best time he ever had with a girl was one of the girls he had dated for quite a while. However this was not the case, as the conversation continued I finally asked which one was the best, and he reluctantly told me that it was first girl A and then after her girl B would be the second best. So you can imagine my awkwardness and heartbreak. I mean what should I expect? He’s the only person I’ve ever had sex with and yet these girls could have countless partners.

I don’t want to ruin this otherwise near perfect relationship that I have with someone so amazing because of something like this. I know a relationship is built on so much more than sex but it really has me bothered beyond belief right now.

Thank you!"

Dear Reader,

I can understand how you are feeling, and I'm sure most women have gone through it a time or two in their young lives.

On one hand, you feel that you have no right to be jealous of someone who came before you. This is in your logical thinking... BUT, you can't help but have curiosities about it and then in turn feel jealous.

With him being your first and only sexual partner, this is tough on the heart, but it can be overcome.
You see, men and women think of sex entirely differently.
While women think love, romance, sharing a close bond, etc... Men do not think this way. At least most do not. For those men who do think that way, it is usually only with someone that they care about. Men are very much visual beings, while women are emotional. Men seek gratification, and women seek the full experience.

Most likely, to your boyfriend, sex to him with other women was something that he enjoyed in the physical sense, but probably didn't have any substance to it. It was probably that.. just sex.

Usually, when you are feeling jealous, it is because you are insecure about yourself in that area. Just because you do not have the experience that the other women have had, does not mean you are not a good lover. In fact, you may even be better!
If you are feeling a little less secure, try incorporating new and different things into your sexual handbook... maybe even something that he has not experienced yet and you both can experience together for the first time.

I would be honest with your boyfriend about how you are feeling. I wouldn't come at it like you disapprove of his past, but in a way that is loving and letting him know that it is just something you are struggling with right now.
Open and honest communication, no matter how hard, always leads to a more fulfilling relationship.

I hope I have been able to help, and if there are any further questions, please don't hesitate.

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