Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Trusting after an affair

"Dear Housewife,

My husband has been unfaithful in the past but is really trying to make it work with me. I believe he is.
He wants to go with his friends once in a while and I know I shouldn't care.
I tell him to go and want him to, but I am an emotional rollercoster for 2 days before and after. I don't want to be but I am.
I end up crying and he ends up saying he shouldn't have gone.
He is not staying late and calls me several times so I know exactly what is going on. I think he should be able to do things sometimes but I don't know why I get so upset. I cannot control my emotions!!"

Dear Reader,

I feel for you and I am sorry that you have found yourself in this awful time.

It is not an easy task to overcome when a spouse has been unfaithful.

Should you care about him going out, or even worry? Yes.

During this time, he needs to be able to establish his trust with you again. You both need to focus on your marriage and taking the time that it needs to heal.
Until your marriage is sound, it is not a good idea for him to go out on a regular basis.

If your marriage and relationship have had the time to heal, and you are just still nervous about things, then I would talk with him openly and honestly about it.
The key to a lasting relationship is open and honest communication. Without the communication, a marriage is doomed for failure.

It's great that he is concerned about your feelings and is able to call you and keep you updated on his whereabouts, and that helps to establish trust, but at this time that may not be enough for you.
I would also recommend doing something nice for yourself. Help to improve your self esteem in areas that you may not feel so good about. Take up a class on something that you've wanted to do.

When he goes out with friends, try planning something during that time to help keep your mind focused on something else. Go out with some friends yourself. Anything where you feel good and aren't going to be focused on what he is doing, or where he is at, etc.

I hope I have been able to help, and if you have any other questions, please do not hesitate.

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