Husband not being a good father.. Help!

"Dear Housewife,

Hi! I fell in love with the perfect man: loving, honest, hard working, same basic goals as me, and very intelligent.
However, despite having discussed in tremendous length about how we would be as parents and what sort of values we had in parenting (before we tied the knot) my husband turned out not to be a fraction of the parent he claimed he wanted to be.
It may be because he came from a family of parents who didn't parent (hard workers who sent their kids off to boarding school or daycare 24/7...the kids were more of an after thought; their life came first and they just dragged the kids along into it)but he's very neglectful of our daughter.
She's 14 months now, but since she was little he shirks responsibility of taking care of her if we're out, he fails to remember anything about her routine (such as that she gets a bottle with her breakfast to hydrate her), and when he spends time with her he sits on the couch or computer and will literally spend an hour without saying one word to her.
I hate to say it, but by the standards of parenting I was expecting based on what we'd discussed before I agreed to marry him, he's TERRIBLE at being a father! I love who he is otherwise, but being a mother is my number one priority and regardless of how I feel about him, when he treats our daughter poorly it makes me dislike who he is as a person.
He'll go on business trips for weeks on end and come home, and say hi to me and give me a kiss, all the while our little girl is chirping "daddy! daddy!" excitedly but he won't say boo to her. I have to remind him to acknowledge her.
I'm horrified at his behavior, and feel sad and guilty because no kid deserves a dad like that and it's my fault for having started a family with him. The person I love the most (my daughter) is getting the short end of the stick because of a choice I made!
The fact is, I'm starting to fall out of love with him because of his lack of responsibility being a parent. I find it unappealing enough to overshadow all the good. I have talked to him about his behavior but he claims he just has a bad memory and can't remember to interact with her. Yet he's likely one of the most capable people on the planet if his aptitude tests are any indication, and his work towards his PhD. Yet as a family man he claims to not even remember to address his child when he comes home?

The second part of the problem is this: if I were to divorce him he would for sure get at the very least 1/2 custody. The reason being he's got a great job and amazing education, I have neither. I'm a university drop out and a stay at home mom. I also have some mental issues such as OCD and anxiety, both of which, at the outset, make me sound less qualified than him.
The truth is I am an amazing parent and incredibly capable person. but I know they'll have no reason not to give him at least half and frankly, if the reason I want to divorce him is because I think he's mistreating my daughter it doesn't make much sense to create a situation where he gets to spend exclusive time with her 50% or more of the time.
I feel sad, lost, guilty and determined to fix this. It seems like my only option is trying to make this marriage work....and by extension that means making his parenting work.
I want him to treat her like she's a person: to talk to her and interact with her and remember to feed her and dress her of he's alone with her (he "forgets" some times). I want him to be a co-parent when we're out so at a family dinner I have time to eat my meal and other members of the family don't give him weird looks for doing nothing but sitting back and drinking beer while his wife is chasing after his little girl 24/7.
I want him to smile and say hi to her when he comes home after a trip and scoop her up in his arms, rather than breezing past her.
How on earth can I remind him the type of parent he told me he was prepared to be when he got pregnant, and point out to him in a way he truly understands, that he's far from that mark now and for her sake it has to change, even if he has to fake it? What on earth can I do?
I want to save this family badly, for her sake, for my sake and for his."

Dear Reader,

This situation could not be easy, and I'm sorry that you have found yourself here.

Before we become parents, we often idealize how it will be, and how we will be as parents. When we actually become parents, the reality of it sets in and more often than not, we revert back to the way that we were parented.

If your husband's father parented in an way where there was little interaction, then that is what your husband has learned and that is the track that he will follow as well.
It seems as though you do love your husband and are wanting the marriage and family to work, but are at a point where you do not know where to turn.

If there is any hope for your marriage and family, I would recommend seeking help from family and parenting counselors.
Your husband may just not know how or what to really do and may need to be change his thinking, and redo all the teachings that were taught to him from the example of his father.
There are many parenting and family counselors that specialize in things such as this and quite easy to find. It may even be covered by health insurance, so I would check that out.
You can do a quick search for "parenting counseling" online for your area.

I do wish you and your family the best of luck in this trying time.

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